Scratched Record

In my late 20s, I found myself in an abusive relationship. It was unexpected, for he began as the perfect partner; as they all do. And after each event, he apologised and said he would change. Through the support of many friends, I eventually saw and felt the impact he was having on me, and found the courage to leave the relationship. I’m truly grateful to them.

But it took time to process this experience with support from Women’s Aid, and communicate it through the only medium that brings me comfort: creative writing. But the poem still lingered in my file manager.

A chance reading of a PhD thesis that discussed domestic violence gave me the impetus to share my poem with a supportive audience: the 2024 Edinburgh Napier University’s 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence campaign (in support of the same-named UN Women campaign) to help raise awareness and inspire change. Unexpectedly, I won first prize in the creative writing section. It was the final validation I needed.

I’ve posted my poem below, but if you’re affected by any of the issues I’ve raised, please reach out to:

your local police force, if you currently feel unsafe;

specialist support through your local Women's Aid service or through Victim Support;

whoever you trust. There’s always someone who will help.

Yours kindly, 

A Survivor.

 

Scratched Record

 

I loved you when you ripped up the restaurant menu that lacked your favourite dish.

I loved you when you said I walked as ugly as a man.

I loved you when you broke into our bathroom, where I was hiding.

 

You said you were sorry.

You said you loved me.

You said you wouldn’t do it again.

 

Like a scratched record, always on repeat.

This relationship lies on a chilled mortuary slab,

and yet, you still want to dissect.

 

You pretend you’re sorry.

You pretend you love me.

You pretend you wouldn’t do it again.

 

And now I’ve stopped loving you, you scream … that you’re the victim.

 

 

 

 (Photo by Giorgio Trovato @Unsplash)